


Perigee

by suganii (feints)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Extended Scene, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:14:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28950231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feints/pseuds/suganii
Summary: Tanaka, on re-evaluating determination. And stuff.If nothing else, Tanaka can do simple. He decides to start with that.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 11





	Perigee

**Author's Note:**

> **perigee** : the point of closest approach to the centre of the earth
> 
> -
> 
> for u/daleygaga on r/haikyuusecretsanta! you requested tanaka, and i immediately thought of the tanaka episode in season 4. i hope you enjoy this short character study into his motivations and what made him stay with karasuno at the beginning!
> 
> set during the flashback scene in chapter 262, when tanaka gets frustrated at karasuno's first practice game after the interhigh.

At some point in the last rally, Tanaka gives up.

It doesn’t mean he’s stopped calling for the ball or that he hasn’t begun his run up to the net, just like everyone else. But he sees Sugawara’s eyes flick over to him and then to Asahi, and he knows that the wing spiker on the left, their ace, will always be the last bastion of defence when their backs are up against the wall.

He doesn’t bother to jump up, simply watching instead. For a moment, he watches Asahi hang suspended in the air, his arm loaded for a swing, knees almost parallel to the ground. His breath catches in his throat.

The sound of the ball slapping the hard wooden floor on their side of the court is the beginning of a long, slow exhale. Tanaka places his hand on his hips, letting his head drop as the whistle blows, signalling the end of the second set and of the practice match.

The back of his head feels warm. He rubs at it in irritation before dabbing at the sweat on his forehead with the same hand. He fans his shirt once, twice. His shirt is barely soaked through with sweat—like all of Karasuno’s practices these days, Tanaka doesn’t remember the last time he’s been pushed hard enough that it is. He lets himself be herded by Daichi to the side of the net in silence, where he shakes hands with the middle blocker 7 who’d blocked his straights twice. The clasp of clammy hands in his is cold comfort, and Tanaka doesn’t bother to meet his opponent’s eyes.

“Let’s go,” Daichi says, patting Tanaka’s shoulder twice as he jogs by. Tanaka grits his teeth, lets the frustration build up for a heartbeat before forcing himself to let it go.

Another day, so painfully mundane. Before he’d come to Karasuno, Tanaka never would’ve thought he’d consider a practice match boring. He’s finally on the starting roster after all, finally wearing a jersey. These are all things he’d dreamed of achieving. As he dutifully changes back out of his jersey and into a clean shirt and jacket though, he stops denying the truth to himself.

It sucks to be on a team where all you know to do is lose.

This isn’t at all what he’d signed up for, to feel angry and hopeless and empty.

Tanaka hoists his bag over his shoulder with a sigh.

As his team begins the walk back to campus he hangs behind his senpai, behind all his other yearmates who’d gone ahead—even Noya, who he’d thought at least would care about their terrible performance, has chattered away since the match ended, excitedly racing the other first-years to the Sakanoshita Market for some nikuman. Tanaka’s the only one who seems bothered by their loss. The last straw comes when he hears voices waft by through the thin window panes.

“ _They weren’t as tough as I thought they’d be. You couldn’t even call that practice._ ”

“ _Talk about a disappointment._ ”

Tanaka finds himself turning around before he knows it, blood boiling, ready for a fight. Mediocre as his team may be, he isn’t going to stand for anyone talking about Karasuno like that.

Daichi, ever the voice of reason, stops him.

“Let it go. It’s great that they’re playing us at all.”

Tanaka doesn’t snarl, but it’s a close thing.

He doesn’t understand it. He’s been witness, accidentally, to Daichi weeping bitter tears by the stairwell when Karasuno had lost at the Interhigh. He’s seen how Asahi, even when punching at his knees, always jumped up for a spike. He’s watched Suga observing him, trying to tailor his tosses for him, indulging Tanaka when he wants to stay back a bit longer to practice his line shots. He’s noticed how, even after his fellow first-years would have packed up and left at the end of practice, the three of them—Suga, Daichi and Asahi—would huddle together, poring over volleyball strategies noted down in Suga’s careful, steady penmanship.

His senpai care more than they let on, and so he doesn’t understand why they would just sit back and hear themselves be put down.

“Aren’t you being a pushover?” he asks Daichi’s retreating back, calling after him.

This is the same senpai who’d just let other clubs into _their_ gymnasium, the same senpai who’d held Tanaka back every time he wanted to stand up to defend their team.

 _Tell me why I should stay_ , he wants to say. _Tell me why being here is even worth my time_.

“We just need to win,” Daichi tells him.

The sentence stops Tanaka in his tracks. Daichi twists his head slightly in Tanaka’s direction, half his face shrouded in shadows, and adds with a little more brevity, “I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s that simple.”

_W-what?_

“Better get used to it,” Suga informs Tanaka with a grin. “You’ll be hearing it a lot.”

“There are a lot of guys whispering about us at official matches,” Asahi points out wryly.

“ _‘The Fallen Powerhouse,’ ‘The Flightless Crows’_ ,” the three of them repeat in unison, laughing at the words like little inside jokes.

Tanaka stiffens, squinting. Something about the sound seems hollow somehow. Forced.

He watches the shadows deepen around their eyes as they spare Tanaka one more look, before walking ahead, silhouettes haloed in the dying light. The warm orange glow of the setting sun envelops them, outlining the tenseness of their shoulders, the clench of their fists—like Tanaka’s stance had been, just a while ago. And earlier too... _their eyes weren’t smiling_ , he realises. Not quite resigned, not quite angry either. Just, just—

Tanaka stares, transfixed, at their backs, a small smile beginning to dawn on his own face. They’re different than what he had made them out to be.

 _These guys… are strong_.

Tanaka adjusts his bag strap higher over his shoulder before following after them, thoughts beginning to catch and tangle in his head. Maybe he’d gotten it all wrong. Maybe sometimes strength is learning to take the hurt and channel it inside and out. Maybe strength is learning when to give, even when the odds are stacked against you—and practicing in the heat of the field isn’t nothing. Watching volleyball tapes and puzzling out what strategies you can implement in practice isn’t nothing. _It’s simple but not easy._

They’ve been fighting all this time in their own ways. He still doesn’t fully grasp it in his own head, but Tanaka wants to learn to be strong too. There’s a presence from them that just radiates, and he wants it too. He wants to learn to be strong like _them._

If nothing else, Tanaka can do simple. He decides to start with that.

* * *

The next day, Tanaka shuffles into the clubroom a little sheepishly, not meeting Suga’s eager gaze even as his senpai immediately catches sight of him. He’d been hoping to get away with what he’d done at least until the start of practice, and had even come to the clubroom ten minutes late to avoid any possible confrontation.

So much for _that_. He breathes a small sigh of relief as he darts a quick look around and confirms Suga’s the only one in the clubroom, before taking a breath to centre himself.

Tanaka isn’t a wuss. He’s a strong, independent man.

Suga watches him with a shit-eating grin as Tanaka fumbles and awkwardly tries to explain himself. “I, uh, thought I’d re-evaluate my determination and stuff.”

His senpai only giggles, practically prancing over to Tanaka, eyes wide in wonder even as he reaches out a hand, intent clear.

“Hey, let me touch,” he says, one hand already stroking over Tanaka’s head and stroking it eagerly back and forth over the bristles.

Tanaka shrinks back slightly from the shocking cool of Suga’s fingers, letting out a half-hearted noise of protest as he does.

Suga doesn’t seem to find his impulsive action silly, not like Ennoshita had the day before when he’d overheard Tanaka whispering his plan to Noya. He’d even shot down Noya’s idea of shaving his head too. Tanaka has never half-assed anything in his life though, and he wasn’t about to start now. He wonders what Ennoshita would say when he sees him.

Finally, Suga lets his hand fall, waiting by the door for him to finish changing, cheerfully humming a tune Tanaka recognises from a Family Mart commercial as he does. The quiet is comfortable; Tanaka feels strangely comforted in his own skin.

Suga surprises him one more time as they walk down the hall to the gymnasium, lips still curled up in that ever-present smile. “You know, I was going to wait until I saw everyone else to tell them the good news,” he muses.

Tanaka’s head snaps up to his, curiosity spiking despite himself. “What news?”

“ _Wellll_ ,” Suga drawls, “you heard that we’re getting a new supervisor, right?”

“Yes?”

Suga’s smile crooks two degrees to the left, forming an outright smirk. He rubs a hand back and forth over his chin as if in thought.

“We might’ve actually gotten a good one this time. Take-sensei’s been talking to the basketball club for us, see? I don’t think we’ll have to worry about giving up the gym to them anymore.”

Tanaka can’t believe his ears. “Really? You’re serious?!”

“Yup!” Suga gives him a hearty thumb’s up. “Feels good, huh?”

Tanaka’s smile is beginning to feel painful, stretching the sides of his face. “Hell yeah!”

Just a day ago, he’d thought Karasuno was a team that only knew how to lose. Karasuno may not be a strong team yet. They have Suga, Daichi and Asahi though. They have him, and Tanaka will never give up on them again.

Suga’s smug happiness is infecting Tanaka and he lets it, pushing the door open and greeting the rest of the team with a wicked grin, Suga by his side. Tanaka can’t remember the last time he’s felt this excited to practice. He wants to set up the net, roll the ball cart onto the court. He wants to _play_.

Still, even as Suga delivers the news to whoops from Noya and Kiyoko-san’s pleased smile, Tanaka isn’t entirely exempt of scrutiny. As he’d predicted, Ennoshita gives him a very long once-over when he sees the lack of blonde on Tanaka’s head, before finally quirking his lips up in an indulgent smile. “Looks good on you,” he admits.

Noya, ever the hypeman, gives him a spirited clap on the back though, jumping up and down on his shoulders in excitement as Daichi and Asahi both come up to rub against his bald head as well.

“You really shaved off all of it, huh?” Daichi asks him, eyes twinkling.

He wonders if it’s a senpai thing to just instinctively give head pats, and tries very hard not to blush. “You were very inspiring, Daichi-san.”

Daichi laughs, clapping his shoulder firmly. “Good, good. Maybe you can be our good luck charm, eh?”

“It’s weird,” Asahi adds, a little bashfully. “But I actually feel a bit calmer now.”

“Right?” Suga calls out gleefully. “Maybe you really are our good luck charm, Tanaka!”

Tanaka feels his face heat despite his best attempts, and he pouts even as his teammates around him chuckle. “You got that damn right,” he mutters loudly to another round of laughter, but he can’t keep his own lips from curling upwards, something warm unfurling in his chest.

As Daichi calls everyone to form in a circle to begin their warm ups, Tanaka stretches his hands in front of him, cracking his knuckles and letting loose a roar. “ _Let’s goooooo_!”

It feels good. It feels so damn _good_.

Noya runs past him with arms outstretched, hollering a resounding “yes!” in response. Ennoshita, shaking his head, Kinoshita and Narita beside him trying and failing to hide echoing grins, follow him with a sigh.

Tanaka pumps his fist to his chest with a thud, and goes. He’s ready for whatever may come.

 _Simple, but not easy_. Tanaka can live with that.

**Author's Note:**

> i think what daichi said to him that day probably resonated with him a lot. tanaka is very simple and earnest, and more than that, his solution to any problem is to just not give up. rather, he'll keep trying, _until_ he gets it. i love him so much.
> 
> again, i really hope you enjoyed this look into his head. have a great one! <3


End file.
